Elijah Wheeler Lassance was born on July 15th weighing 7 pounds, 5 ounces and was 21.5 inches long!
Ever since I found out I was pregnant I had planned to write my birth story for the blog. I’ve always enjoyed reading other blogger’s birth stories and I was hoping I would be able to write about how amazing and wonderful the birth process was. Aside from the fact that I grew a tiny human and birthed him into the world, there wasn’t much that was amazing and wonderful about the process.
In fact, it was REALLY long, painful and traumatic. I almost decided not to share it with anyone, but I think that writing it all down will help me process it. Warning: It’s kinda long!
My original birth plan consisted of having the baby at a birth center with a midwife. I wanted an all natural birth without any interventions and I wanted to stay far away from the hospital. We had hired a doula to help with pain relief and I felt like I was really ready for this. I later found out that “Birth Preferences” was a much better name for the birth plan and that you can plan and prepare as much as you want, but in the end you really have no control over what is going to happen. Out of all the things on my birth plan the only thing that I got was a vaginal birth, which at one point was very close to not happening.
Elijah’s original due date was July 2nd. I really wanted my sister to be here for the birth so we decided that she was going to fly in on June 30th and stay for two weeks. When she booked her tickets I thought that there was no way he wouldn’t be here by then. We imaged that she would be here for a few days where it would just be the two of us hanging out, then I would have the baby and we would cuddle and play with him for the rest of the time. As the days went by and there was no sign of baby coming we all started to get really antsy. It was 100+ degrees outside so there wasn’t much we could do to entertain ourselves. At my 40 week checkup I was only 1 cm dilated. The birth center has a rule that you can only give birth there if you go into labor sometime between 37 and 41 weeks. If you go past 41 weeks you still get to use the midwife but you have to have the baby at the hospital. I was really set on having this baby at the birth center so I tried a few “natural” methods to try to get him to come. None of them seemed to be working and on the afternoon of my 41st week I decided to drink some castor oil to see if that would help get things going. I kept being torn between wanting to just let him come on his own and wanting to have a birth center birth. I also really didn’t want to be induced.
It was disgusting and really uncomfortable and I immediately regretted drinking it. But then about three hours later I felt what I thought were contractions. It was a little hard to distinguish them from the stomach cramps I had been having from the castor oil but I started timing them and it became increasingly apparent that they were contractions. They were coming about every 3-4 minutes and lasting about 45 seconds. I called the midwife and she said that since it was before midnight on my 41st week that if things kept progressing I would be able to have the baby at the birth center. I was really excited and also couldn’t believe that after all this waiting I was finally in labor! I couldn’t sleep at all because the contractions were pretty painful and coming often. I let my husband and sister get some rest and then called the doula to come over at about 2AM in the morning. The contractions remained steady and constant through the night and I was excited about the progress I thought I was making.
The next morning the midwife called me to come in so she could check me. I figured I probably wasn’t too far dilated and that we would come right back home afterward, but we brought all our stuff just in case. When we got to the birth center she checked me and I was 3 cm dilated, which was great news as I was only 1 cm the day before. She said we could stay if we wanted so we all settled in hoping it wouldn’t be too long until the baby was there. Pretty much as soon as we got there my contractions slowed way down. They were now only about 10 minutes apart and I couldn’t’ seem to get them to speed up. I drank some chamomile tea, we went walking (in the 100 degree heat) and I bounced on an exercise ball while using a breast pump for what seemed like hours. At one point the contractions went back to being 5 minutes apart, but that was short lived. I was getting so discouraged and exhausted at that point. Not only did I have to deal with the discomfort of the contractions but I also had to work really hard to get them to come on.
Before I knew it, it was 9PM at night and the next midwife had come on. She told us that since I had already been in labor for so long and I had now passed the 41 week mark that I would need to go to the hospital to have a non-stress test and if that looked ok I could go home for the night and labor there. At this point I had risked out of the birth center and knew that I would be having this baby in the hospital. It was so late and I was so tired but we drove over to the hospital for the NST. I met another really great midwife there who checked me for dilation and I was told that after almost 24 hours of labor I was still only at 3 cm. They hooked me up to monitoring machines for about 30 minutes and she said that everything looked good to her but it would have to be approved by the head doctor. A few minutes later she came into the room and said that the test did not look ok to her and that they wanted to keep me for observation for 24 hours. They wanted to give me morphine so I could sleep through the contractions but it made me a little nervous so I declined. My husband, sister and I all slept in the hospital room that night and I was surprisingly able to get some sleep through all the contractions.
The next morning one of the midwives came into check me and talk about our options. When she told me that I was still only 3 cm dilated I had a breakdown. I had been laboring with painful contractions for over 30 hours at that point and I hadn’t progressed at all. She told me she could either break my water or give me pitocin to help speed things up. I was heartbroken at this point because I knew both of those options caused really painful contractions and I was still hoping to have my natural birth. I finally opted for the breaking of the water and within 30 minutes my contractions had sped up and were feeling much more painful. I honestly don’t remember how long I went through that, it all seems like such a blur right now, but the contractions were getting so intense that I was starting to doubt I would be able to continue on. I requested that the midwife come in and check me and told myself that I would stay all natural if I had progressed quite a bit but I would consider the epidural if I hadn’t. She checked me and told me I was still only at 3 cm dilated. That was one of the most discouraging points of my labor and I broke down and decided that if I was ever going to get through this and have enough energy to actually push the baby out then I needed to get the epidural. This was going against everything I ever imagined my birth to be like but I just couldn’t take it any longer.
The anesthesiologist came in and gave me the epidural and within minutes I was feeling pretty good. The pain was gone and I was able to relax and sleep. And I’m pretty sure I slept for a long time. At this point I really lost track of time but do remember that the midwife had changed and the nurses kept changing because their shifts were over. Hours after I got the epidural a new midwife came in to check me and again told me I was only about 3 cm dilated. I didn’t have the energy to show how discouraged and dissapointed I was. I’m pretty sure I had been in labor for over 50 hours by then and I was done. She told me that my contractions didn’t’ seem to be strong enough to be pushing the baby down and that she wanted to give me pitocin to help strengthen them. Pitocin was another thing that was definitely not on my birth plan, but at this point I felt like I had no other option. I had also already had the epidural so I knew I wouldn’t feel the pain of the pitocin contractions.
They started the pitocin, I slept more and when the midwife came back to check my progress a few hours later she told me that I was at about 6 cm. That was the best news I had heard since I went into labor! By then my water had been broken for a long time and I was starting to get a fever. I would sleep for hours and then wake up covered in sweat. Then I would sleep for a few more hours, wake up for a few minutes and then go back to sleep. I had no idea what day it was or what time it was. I was having really bad back pain the entire labor. It went away with the epidural, but as the baby started to drop lower and lower, it was coming back and the epidural didn’t even seem to help it. The midwife and nurse both agreed that baby was causing me back pain and was being rather slow at progressing because he was in the posterior position (meaning that his spine was right on my spine and he was face up). They were thinking that he probably wouldn’t be able to fit out if he stayed in that position so they had me lay with a big exercise ball in between my legs for what felt like hours.
During that time, my temperature creeped up to 101 so they started giving me antibiotics. A really helpful nurse finally had me lay with my leg in the stirup and after a while that finally got the baby to turn into the correct position. I was feeling really intense urges to push so the nurse checked me once more to make sure I was finally at 10 cm. Upon checking me she said she thought she felt the umbilical cord coming down before the baby’s head. Not even a minute after she said that, about 15 people rushed into the room. All I remember is the midwife saying that if that really is the cord then this is an emergency. Someone starts shaving me and I can see them suiting Eric up getting him ready for the OR. Meanwhile, with each contraction I can’t help but start pushing. While I’m pushing, there is a nurse in my face making me sign an informed consent for a C-Section and there is a surgeon checking me with what feels like his entire arm up there. He says that he doesn’t think it is the umbilical cord because it isn’t pulsing, so then they bring in another surgeon so he can feel and then the midwife checks again too. After lots of panic they finally agree that it is not the umbilical cord and that I just need to go ahead and push this baby out. By this time I’m thoroughly mentally and emotionally exhausted and have a fever on top of it. As much as I really didn’t want the C-section, a little part of me was going to be glad that it was all going to be over soon. I really can’t thank that surgeon enough though for saving me from an unnecessary C-section.
I finally start to push and it is exhausting. I have Eric on one side of me fanning me the entire time, my sister on the other side feeding me ice cubes in between each push and the doula massaging me and encouraging me. I pushed for about two hours and there were so many times I kept thinking in my head, “what if I can’t physically do this?”. I was so tired and light headed, but somehow I managed to find the strength for the final stage. When his head was finally starting to show the midwife had me reach down and feel it and it was the craziest feeling ever. I knew that I only had a few more pushes at that point. Everything was such a blur, but I do remember hearing the midwife and nurses mention things about the baby’s heart rate going up and him being tachycardic but I could’t really focus on that.
After days of being in labor, I finally pushed my son out. The midwife put him on my chest for a split second and then I saw her quickly take him back, cut his cord and hand him off to a bunch of nurses that had gathered in the room. He was slightly jaundiced and wasn’t breathing on his own. I didn’t even know what to think at that point. The midwife and nurses didn’t seem to be phased at all by what was going on, but my husband, sister, doula and I were just sitting there in total shock. I had finally given birth after days of difficult labor and now the baby had been taken away from me because he wasn’t breathing. The midwife kept saying that it was going to be ok and then a few seconds later I heard his first cry. It was such a relief, but I was still really worried. After they got him breathing they had to take him down to the NICU to make sure everything else was ok. Thankfully, they let my husband go with him. After they left, the midwife helped me deliver the placenta, stitched me up a little bit and then left. There was a point where it was just my sister, our doula and I in the room and we just sat there exclaiming over and over again, “what the hell just happened”. I had finally given birth but the baby wasn’t with me, on my chest having skin to skin contact just like I had imagined things. Instead, he has been whisked off to the NICU to be hooked up to machines. Knowing that my husband was there with him made it so much better though.
After about two hours they finally wheeled me down there and I got to hold my son for the first time. He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen and I felt so awkward holding him and trying to maneuver him! They only let me stay for a little while and then they transported us to our recovery room. It felt so sad and strange hanging out in our room without our little baby that I had just given birth to. I went and visited him a few times during the night and tried to be there every time he was awake for the next few days. They were monitoring him as well as giving him antibiotics since I had had the fever while in labor. He was definitely the biggest baby in the NICU and I’m pretty sure he was nice and healthy right after they got him breathing. They wanted to keep him for 3 days to monitor him just to be safe though. I wasn’t thrilled about that but knew it was probably a good thing.
We are finally home altogether now and it has been quite an adjustment. Parenting is both much harder and more amazing than I had imagined. I’m still getting used to not being able to do what I want when I want and getting up in the middle of the night is really hard sometimes. I’m feeling much better now, but I had to spend some time letting go of the birth that I had pictured. It’s easier for me to let go of the things that happened to me that weren’t planned, like the epidural and pitocin, but I’m having a harder time letting go of the fact that Elijah didn’t get any skin to skin contact with me right after birth. And that he came into this world being immediately whisked away by strangers. I can’t help but feel so bad for him that things started that way, but I do feel lucky that he is ok and I am making up for hit by giving him lots of skin to skin time and snuggles now that he is home with us! I was also really worried that breastfeeding would be hard with him in the NICU and that he might never pick it up, but he’s been breastfeeding like a champ!
I have some posts lined up to share for the next few weeks, but I also plan on taking some time away from the blog to just enjoy our new little baby. So, if I take longer than normal to respond or don’t post as much as I usually do, that is why 🙂
If you are still reading this, thank you so much!
Wow. I found you through the Pinterest rabbit hole. I relate very deeply to your birth story. Mine is the shortened version of yours. I had a membrane sweep at 3 pm. Contractions started shortly after. I woke up around midnight and was shivering. My contractions weren’t painful, so I had no idea I was in labor. The shivering made me call my mom (a nurse) and she told me to get to the hospital. My contractions were 2 min apart. The hospital checked and I was only 3 cm and the contractions were irregular, so they wanted to send me home. My temp was 99 (I typically run in the 97s). Thankfully they let me stay and walk for 30 min to get the contractions more regular. 30 min later they were 1.5 min apart and I was admitted. An hour later and I was making no progress and had a 103.5 fever. The contractions felt like mild period pain, but the constant shivering from my fever was unbearable. I finally opted for an epidural at 630 am — the last time I could get one until after 8/9 am they said. The shivering stopped and I could relax. My baby’s heartbeat was irratic the rest of the time and I told them no c-section unless every option had been exhausted. At 900 I told them I felt like it might be time to push. She checked and I was ready to go. 6 cm in less than 3 hours. She said it was almost unheard of. I pushed and complained of left hip pain. They said it was nothing. My son was born with a golf ball size bruise on that side of his head. They let me hold him for about 30 sec. Took him and I didn’t see him for 3.5 hours. Then he was taken to the children’s hospital 30 min away. I didn’t get to hold my baby until over 24 hours after he was born. He refused to latch. I couldn’t get my milk to come in. It was the most horrible experience. As we plan our next pregnancy, I’ve made it a priority to birth in a hospital with an on-site NICU. That separation from him and all the resulting consequences made me feel like a failure for months on end. It’s been a year and a half and I’m still coming to grips with it all. None of the books prepared me for anything I actually experienced.
I’m so sorry you had a traumatic birth experience too 🙁 It’s so hard when we have no control over something that is so personal and special to us. And having a baby taken straight to the NICU is heartbreaking. I’m still sad that I didn’t get to do skin to skin with my son immediately after birth. I hope your next birth goes so much better!! I just had my second son 6 weeks ago and while this birth did not go according to play at all either (induction for preeclampsia) I did get to have him skin to skin right after and it was so special. <3
Birth is so often painted as this beautiful experience, and while for a few it really is, for most of us, it’s painful, traumatic, and utterly bewildering. My first was also an absolutely awful experience that ended up with an emergency C section. It’s now 8 years ago and I remember it all still very vividly. I also find that first time mums are not nearly enough educated on exactly what will happen, how and when. However, I did go on to have 2 more kids, due to complications in my 2nd pregnancy it ended up being another C section, and after the 2nd one, all the rest must be C sections. But I must say I never had any complications from my C sections, and the very next day I was up and walking around looking for my baby.
So what I wanted to say is, despite the trauma and the pain, which you will not forget, the next time will be much better it will still hurt, but because now you know exactly what it is and how it goes, you’ll be able to process it better.
Thanks for your nice comment, Marija! It can be so hard when something as personal as a childbirth doesn’t go as planned. I’m sorry yours didn’t go as planned either, but I’m so glad to hear it was much easier to process the 2nd and 3rd time! Thank you! 🙂
Oh my gosh lady, you are a trooper!!! Not being a mom yet but thinking I want to be one day, but being terrified by scary birthing stories, I go back and forth on if I should read them, haha. But what’s important in the end is that you are okay and your adorable baby is healthy! Enjoy your time being a new mama! 🙂
Don’t be terrified! As awful as it was, I would totally do it again! You soon forget everything once you are cuddling with you little baby!
Congrats on your beautiful baby Izzy! Thanks for sharing your story, so sorry it was traumatic and nothing you have expected! It made me cry, because I know exactly how you feel! I had my son almost 3 weeks ago and my story is pretty similar, I even ended up with a c-section. After reading about your experience, I think I should also share mine on the blog, before that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write about it! Glad you guys are doing ok after all! Enjoy your time with this lovely boy!
Hi Mira! Thank you so much! Congratulations to you on your baby boy! Baby boys are the best! 🙂 I’m so sorry that you had such a traumatic labor and delivery as well. It’s so hard when you have something planned out and it pretty much goes the opposite, especially when it’s something so personal and important. You should definitely write about your experience (if you feel comfortable). I found that it was a good way to process things and even though it didn’t go as planned, it will be nice to have it all written down to share with Eli someday! I hope you are enjoying your little boy too! 🙂
Great story, don’t know how you made it thru it.
Thanks for reading it, Paul! Hopefully you will get to meet him soon 🙂
I’m so glad you are all home and enjoying time together!! He is ADORABLE!! And what an experience compared to what you were hoping for … but at the end of the day I’m so happy everyone is healthy and safe!! 🙂 Enjoy this time with your sweet boy friend!
Thank you so much, Ashley!! I am really enjoying my time with him 🙂
This was such a touching story, Izzy. I went from feeling awful for you to having major baby fever by the end. It’s such an emotional experience. I’m happy that you both got through it safely. And I’m sure he is getting all the skin to skin time he needs! Congratulations!
Thank you, Sarah!! Haha, maybe you should do something about that baby fever! lol! Just kidding! Babies are definitely hard, but at 3 weeks he is already being much more calm and fun!
Oh, Izzy — your labor was longer than it was for both of my boys put together and I can’t imagine agonizing any more than I did! You’re a trooper, and I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. Thank goodness your little man is happy and healthy, and that’s what’s most important for sure! Enjoy this special time with your baby boy — it goes SO fast. 🙂
Thank you, Marcie! It was pretty brutal, but I’m so glad it is over now and I have a cute little baby to cuddle!
Congratulations! He’s darling.
Thank you so much, Cassidy! 🙂
Izzy, thank you so much for sharing your story!
Perhaps with first babies, they don’t always arrive according to the lovely birth plans we create as you noted (much of your story reminds me of mine – except it was me in the ER with no skin to skin contact after the birth as baby, thankfully, was fine). The days go by, and the disappointment fades at not having the experience of which you dreamed, completely overridden by all the joy in and love for your gorgeous child (and he does look gorgeous and content). I’d say it took about a month before he and I started gallivanting…out in the world together having adventures (read: for example, taking long walks) – so many precious memories four years on – and for a lifetime.
You were a superstar and so too your husband, sister and doula! Congratulations and, from London, a big well done! (PS, if you decide to try for baby number two in due course, I found my second son’s birth easy by comparison.)
And as aside, thanks for your gluten free chocolate cake – my four year old is no wheat, dairy, egg, etc. and I’ve made some minor adaptations and it’s a delicious source of happiness for the whole family.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read it! That is so true that the disappointment fades away as the days go by! I’ve been feeling much better about things lately. He is 3 weeks old today and already getting to be much more enjoyable! I can see that he is calming down and hopefully letting go of some of the trauma that happened to him. I’ve heard that the second birth goes smoother, so hopefully that is true if I ever do decide to have another!
I’m so glad you enjoyed the chocolate cake 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing. What an intense, scary story! I’m so glad everything worked out, and that you were able to have your sister with you, and that you and Eli are home now. All my love goes out to you. Congratulations!
Thanks so much, Savanah!! It was so nice to have Faune here for everyone, although I may have scared her from ever wanting to have one of her own, haha!
Wow! What a birth story! Congratulations! So glad baby is happy and healthy and beautiful!!
Thank you, Nicole!!
Aww Izzy congratulations on your little bundle of joy!! He’s so cute! There are SO many similarities between our birth stories and it is hard when you think of what your birth plan will be and it ends up nothing like it. All I can say is that in a couple of years, you will look back and wonder why we put these pressures on ourselves to have natural births and all of that. All that matters is that we have happy, healthy babies ???? It took awhile for me to get there though. I actually realized I wanted a natural birth for other people and that having the epidural and pitocin was the best choice for my baby. He came into the world with a semi sane and semi rested mother. Can’t imagine it any other way now!! Congrats and share lots of pictures!! Hehe!
Thank you, Denise!! It was really hard for me to let go of my original birth plan, but I think I’m slowly being able to do it. It helps that I get to cuddle a cute little baby all day, lol! Yes, I can’t imagine what I would have been like had I not gotten the epidural! I don’t think I would have ever had the energy to push him out and things could have gone much worse!
This made me cry, Izzy. I’m glad you’re still sharing it, even though it was a very traumatic experience for you. I think it’s important for women to see that not every birth story is perfect, and that birth plans are really just ideals we set for ourselves.
For what it’s worth, my first birth wasn’t exactly as I had imagined either. I even went to a hypnobirthing class and, like you, was set on having hours of skin to skin contact after birth. Em ended up being breech and I went into labor even before the scheduled c-section. Because I sounded quite composed on the phone, the midwife at the hospital wouldn’t let me come in and I labored at home for 14 hours with a breech baby! When I finally arrived at the hospital I was dilated about 1cm, which was really lucky in my case but it made them believe even less that I was having real contractions. They decided to still check with the monitor and then noticed that the baby’s heartbeat was dropping. They started prepping me for a c-section and gave me something to slow down contractions, which made my own heartbeat go crazy. Well, things went really quickly after that and once the baby had come into the world by c-section the midwife only showed her to me for a split second and then took her away. My husband was with her though. I didn’t get any skin to skin contact and had to wait without my baby until they had stitched me up.
The c-section was an awful experience but I had been mentally prepared for a while. The skin to skin really bugged me for a long time though. But Rm and I still formed the most amazing connection! And so did my husband. I breastfed her for 20 months, which was a really wonderful way to connect as well.
You’ll see, even though Elijah had a hard time coming into this world he’s still having an amazing start into his life because there’s a loving mama and daddy here for him. I’m so sorry you had such a complicated birth, but I’m hoping you’ll eventually be able to accept everything as a part of your story together <3
And the parenting thing – yah, it can get pretty tough! Especially with the sleep deprivation, breastfeeding and learning how to handle a baby! And let me tell you – it doesn't get any easier, because babies turn into strong-willed toddlers 😉 but seeing your kid grow up, reach milestones, even just smile at you – the most incredible feeling!
Awww, thank you, Nora!! Wow, your birth story is crazy too! Here in the US, they don’t even allow you to labor with a breech baby, they just schedule a C-section immediately. I’m so sorry you had to labor for so long to end up with a C-section, but glad everything worked out! You really never do know what will happen when it comes to childbirth! There have definitely been some ups and downs with the parenting but now at 3 weeks he seems to be more calm and enjoyable! I hope you are feeling well these days!
Izzy, it’s a good thing you have this birth written down in such detail, because I will guarantee you that after time, when your mind and body has recovered, the disappointment and pain will be only a blur! (If it didn’t work that way, I would fear for the continuation of the human race, lol!) Congratulations on your healthy and beautiful baby, and take good care of yourself. Love to all! ????????????
Haha, I sure hope I will forget everything! Thank you so much! )